I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
