The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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