I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
there is glitter all over my balls
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