I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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