yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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