hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
