i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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