i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
