So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
