Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
