She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
