At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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