Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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