I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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