I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
