I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
