May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
