i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
