Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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