Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
