he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
