he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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