awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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