I wish I could teleport
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
