I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
