You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
