end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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