i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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