miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
