I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
