hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
