Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Pooping to opera.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
