I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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