I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
