They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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