Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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