The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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