Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
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The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
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the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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