She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so let's talk penis.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just want to make out with him forever
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
