It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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