She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
BRING THE BAGELS
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
