Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
