The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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