Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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