I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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