So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
