my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
