I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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