I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i think i have two assholes
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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