Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
