Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
