I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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