Already got asked if we're dating
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
