now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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