remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
