I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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