btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
