tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
do herpes really smell.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
