K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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