You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
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I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
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I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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