I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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