i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
two words...techno handjob
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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