I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
3 2 1 whiskey
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
