so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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