So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
