I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
