he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
