I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
